Phil Rivers Kids Situation Is Straight Crazytown

My Boy Phil Rivers having his 8th kid is crazy on so many levels that I have gotten dizzy. You know what is crazier than having 8 kids?

Not much.

Having 8 Kids with 6 of them being girls is someone that simply loves pain. Only explanation.

We can all sit and act like this isn't insanity but having more than 4 kids is fucking bananas. I could easily argue more than 2 makes you somewhat insane but everyone make a mistake. If you make that same mistake another 5 times you need to be fitted for jacket.

Financially:

I get it. He is all set in the facet of having a herd of a family. Probably has a gaggle of nannies that do the majority of the work for the Rivers bunch. He probably has a house that can accommodate that size of a family and then some. But, it is still dumb. Each kid goes to college with inflation he is looking at a cool million if they don't get a scholarship.

Football:

I don't want my QB dealing with this circus in his home. I prefer my QB's to be dorks or cocksman who are trying to go the Namath route.

Decision making is what being a good QB is all about. Having 8 kids is a horrendous decision. NO MATTER WHAT.

I like my QB's eating film for breakfast/lunch/dinner. There is zero chance you would have a second of silence or alone time with a gauntlet of kids. Unless you're just a bad dad of course. Which is the play for numerous dads but I think Phil legit loves his pack. I hope he has a separate home that he lives in by himself from August through December. It literally is the only way one could deal with playing the most important and scrutinized position in all of sports with a shit ton of snot nosed kids to deal with.

Logistically:

Going anywhere literally is impossible even if you had a nanny per kid. Kids minds make no sense and you are bound to lose one from just wondering off trying catch a bubble or something retarded.

Side note: I would hire a cowboy wrangler 24/7 to straight herd and lasso the kids if I were Rivers. Would be entertaining as hell.

Mentally:

Dealing with a woman that has been pregnant for 6 years (72 months) is straight insanity. I legit feared for my life every day for 9 months. Emotions swing faster than a cornerback sitting on a Rivers 15 yr out route balloon throw.



P.S. At this point he needs to go for the crown and upstage Antonio Cromartie's kid count.

P.P.S.  To be Fair forgetting kids names is pretty easy. I call my baby Colby(My Dog) all the time. No shot I would know a billion kids names on the spot either.


This is how I envision Phil reciting his kids names...

Such a Southern White Guy move is rhyming all his offspring to help remember. Sorta like a catchy song to remember all the states capitals.

I have zero clue what Rivers kids names are and did zero research to confirm my rhyming theory.