Antonio Gates Bopped

NFL.com - We have a new biggest name in a rash of suspension announcements on the eve of the holiday weekend.

The San Diego Chargers announced Thursday that tight end Antonio Gates has been suspended four games without pay for violating the NFL Policy and Program for performance-enhancing substances.

Gates will miss games against the Lions, Bengals, Vikings and Browns. He is eligible to return to the active roster on Oct. 5, ahead of a Week 5 matchup against the Steelers. Gates is eligible to participate in all offseason and preseason practices and games.

"We are tremendously disappointed for our team and our fans as well as Antonio, but no more disappointed than Antonio is with himself," the Chargers announced in a statement. "Antonio is a member of the Chargers' family and we will continue to support him 100 percent."

Gates blamed his positive test on "supplements and holistic medicines" he used in an effort to recover from the past season.

"In my 12 years in the NFL, I have taken tremendous pride in upholding the integrity of the NFL shield and all that it entails," Gates said in a statement. "I have taken extreme care of my body with a holistic approach and I have never knowingly ingested a substance that was banned by the NFL."

Give the Chargers credit. They can't go 2 weeks without pooping in their fans faces. They say any publicity is good publicity but any Chargers news this year has been a complete train wreck dumpster fire. Good thing the NFL as a product is bullet proof because if any other business had this start to the 2015 year people would be selling stock faster than the Greeks are pulling money out of the ATM's. 

I am not shocked that anyone gets suspended for PED's in football. I am more shocked that many more players haven't been caught though. The fact the 49ers LB core hasn't exploded from steroids is beyond me. The sports is so taxing physically that I don't blame this guys for supplementing especially since their the only major sports league without guaranteed contracts.

If anyone is disappointed by this news they simply are out of touch with reality. The majority of the league is on something to be able to play in the NFL. I am more disappointed that the suspended athletes come out with the weakest excuses possible. 

Antonio Gates coming with the soft excuse without naming the banned product is as bad is it gets from a personal PR standpoint. It blows my mind how their PR teams don't go the Giambi route and basically make them say they fucked up. The people who come with soft excuses end up looking soooo much worse in the long run.

Local Radio personalities that continue to hammer Brady on PSI ball pressure but making excuses for PED suspensions is very confusing from an outrage perspective. At least keep your outrage consistent and in line with the situation at hand or reality for that matter. A story like this proves that media can control public opinion. The national news cycle for steroids has already ended while ball pressure story is going on 6 months of coverage.

P.S. 

I bang on San Diego fans all day but even I feel bad for their 2015 sports run here. I mean its bad news after bad news and its only been 6 months. I would like to say it can only get better but that would be a flat out lie. 

P.P.S.

I only feel bad for the 167 fans that actually exist in San Diego though. Burn.

P.P.P.S.

This failed test was known by the player and Chargers in April as being reported by the AP. Zero shot this didn't also play into Rivers displeasure of being part of the squad in 2015. Love how no one is talking about that.

Official Power Rankings For Female Sports

Not to be sexist but truth hurts...

Watching female sports for the most part is just pure pain. It takes special people to sit through most athletic events featuring women. But, I am looking down the barrel of female sports for the foreseeable future with the arrival of my daughter.

I started mentally preparing myself for this monster challenge a few months ago and am absolutely no where close to being ready for this immense challenge. My anxiety is already sky high knowing how paralyzing my frustration will be.

That being said, I wanted to list the official power ranking for males for viewing female sports. I need to take into consideration the difference in viewing the individual sports at the highest level and the average high school level.


Basketball:

Female hoops is by far the WORST viewing experience at any level for the male species. I simply hate it. It is easily the most drastic difference in Males vs Females for any sport. Female hoops players look like they are playing with cement in their shoes. You are in serious trouble when a reverse layup is the most exciting play in your sport.

Fix: 

Simple. Lower the hoops to 8 feet and let the alley oops commence. Also all girls hoops games under the age of high school should just be sudden death. First hoop wins. Boom. Saved that sport in a couple sentences. Pure genius.

Bonus Fix Option: 

Just Cancel Girls hoops all together. Another solid option. Girls even hate the sport.

Bonus Hate:

I hate Geno Auriemma. He might be in my top 3 most hated sports figures of all time. The reason my hate isn't higher is I simply forget he exists until around December every year and it obviously peeks when he wins the national championship by 48 points every year and then goes on to say how big of a challenge it was to win and how men's basketball stinks. (Run on sentence game is on LOCK)

Geno is the kinda smart kid in class that only takes standard level classes but insists to tell everyone how smart he is dominating the gold star stickers with his short bus pals. The fact he has no desire to prove his coaching prowess on the men's sides might be the biggest pussiest move in the history of manhood.


Softball:

This one is a super tricky sport to view for us men. Adolescent softball easily rivals female hoops. At least hoops has a clock to end the chaos. A girls softball inning could last a lifetime and nothing is worse when all the parents are screaming where the girls should throw the ball. I still have nightmares and wake up in a cold sweat thinking of watching my sister attempt to play softball. Just writing that sentence made me shake.

But, College level softball ain't that bad. I sat and watched 4 innings of one of the women's college softball world series game and it was pretty damn good. Swinging bunts are the worst but the pitchers are legit as fuck. I spent 20 minutes internally debating if I could hit any of these pitchers (No Chance). So, that made me respect the sport.

Fix:

Only drastic change I would infused into the sport would be to outlaw visors and make them wear legit hats. Also make the infields grass. Dirt looks poor but I get why they do it. I'm a big visual guy and need my HD looking crisp and not dirty.

Golf:

Women's golf doesn't move the needle because the sport seems so much more reserved than the men's side if that makes sense. But…But…But… This is bar FAR the closest of the the two sports. A girl could easily be better than a guy from an average athlete perspective. Girls seems to have on average a better tempo swing and a lot better demeanor on the course. The only that kinda sucks about the sport on the pro level is the best players in the world are not Americans and they are boring.

Fix: 

I would create fake controversy. I would probably leak a horrendous rumor that lit a fire of anger under all the girls. Wouldn't hurt if better looking girls played at a higher level as well. Def a sexist statement but look at women's tennis. Tell me that sexuality doesn't move the needle for viewership and I will google search Anna Kournikova right in your face.

Hockey:

Women's hockey is also tricky because its barely on the radar besides the Olympics. But, I am here to defend this sport as probably the 2nd best female sport of all time. For one, there is a clock, which is a huge factor in women's sports. The other factor is the girls play aggressive and its great to watch. The sport is going in the right direction and the fact I can sit through a whole game speaks volumes of a sport that is truly not that old from the female side.

Soccer:

Is EASILY the best sport to watch from a males perspective. The female sport has gotten a TON better in the past decade. It also helps that the USA women's national team is constantly a top tier team in the world. Also, the sport is very watchable from all levels as well. It is played at a very high level and the games are legit exciting. Again - Bonus points for having a clock.

Fix:

Nothing. The sport will continue to progress and get better and better. I would however done a much better job promoting the upcoming World Cup. The world will keep getting better and it will push the sport just like Men's Hoops.

US Men's Team could learn a thing or two from a mentality standpoint from our Women's team.

I'm Back

Took a solid month off to have a baby. Super selfish of me. 

"Time apart makes the heart grow fonder"

• Bud Black got canned and the Padres are still a hot mess.
• Chargers Stadium situation makes the Padres future look promising.
• Jordan Spieth is the Truth.
• Dustin Johnson pooped himself but got to go home to Paulina so all good there.
• American Pharoah Story didn't get nearly as much Pub as it should. That Horse was all time.

I'm Obsessed with Brian Windhorst

Wikipedia- Brian Windhorst, also known as "Windy" or "Scoop", (born January 29, 1978) is an American sportswriter for ESPN.com who covers theNational Basketball Association (NBA). He was the Cleveland Cavaliers beat writer for the Akron Beacon Journal from 2003 through the summer of 2008, and began to work for Cleveland newspaper The Plain Dealer in October 2008. He moved to ESPN in 2010 after LeBron James left the Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heat.

I am embarrassed with how obsessed I am over this dude Brian Windhorst. The man is a paid stalker. He literally stalks Lebron James life and gets paid to do so by ESPN. Wherever LBJ goes so does my man Windy.

I like to imagine Windhorst lives in a one bedroom studio with thousands of pictures of Lebron James glued to his walls with arrows pointing in every direction like a serial killers house in the movies. House is obviously littered with KFC buckets EVERYWHERE.

In a society where we are uber conscience of creeps, My man Windy is capitalizing on it. If Lebron Moves, Windy Moves. Lebron says something absurd (everyday), Windy spins it to try to make Lebron  look like less of an asshole.

What would happen to this guys life and career if Lebron James were to be no more?  This guy is a little past his prime to start a new hunt. I can see him getting arrested for trespassing on a elementary school yard trying to find his new white whale or a pizza delivery guy.

I have tons of questions with him. What does he do in his off time? Does Lebron let him have off time?  Is he a good bowler?  Whats his normal days diet?  What's his power rankings of candy?  Does he crush as much ice cream as I think he does?  So many questions constantly running through my skull whenever I see this guy.

P.S. Windhorst caught a lot of heat for his "Hot Take" on Riley Curry being present for press conferences and I couldn't agree with him more. She is cute as fuck but those pressers are annoying as fuck as well.

Meet the Biggest Gangster of all time. My Boy Sepp.

CNN.com - Meet Sepp Blatter. Still the most powerful man in the world's most popular game, scandal be damned.

You could also call the 79-year-old Swiss national a survivor, after he clung to his job as FIFA's president Friday. He won a fifth term despite a week marked by arrests, investigations in the United States and Switzerland and questions about whether he was the right man to rebuild the reputation of soccer's governing body.

It wasn't a slam dunk, and Blatter failed to get the required 140 votes in the first round of voting to prevail. (He got 133, compared to 73 for Jordan's Prince Ali bin al-Hussein.) But with the writing on the wall -- since Blatter would only need a simple majority of votes in the next round to win -- Prince Ali conceded.

"I take the responsibility to bring back FIFA," Blatter said, promising he would leave after his four-year term ends. "And I am convinced we can do it."

Just how did Blatter survive?

He is a masterful political operator and his knack for getting off clean amid scandal -- or at least without being directly tied to wrongdoing in the soccer world -- is uncanny.

Sepp Blatter is already my favorite villain of all time. I barely knew the man existed a week ago and now I have a full on villain man crush on him. His speech after winning reelection was an all time speech. I stood up and clapped when he was dropping lines of cockiness all over the people who just reelected him.

I mean I don't like the whole situation going down in Qatar with the slavery and all but besides that I am all on board with how FIFA runs their scheme. I would like to believe that FIFA didn't have a clue how bad the society is in Qatar with how they treat their working force. 

FIFA is a private organization that is crazy successful. Their only issue is their product is super public. If you sit on your couch and think that uber successful companies don't make huge back end deals/bribes to keep on top your NUTS. United States has a littered history of CEO's "Donating" money to certain politicians that back their organization directly or indirectly.

I would be running the same business as these guys and anyone who wouldn't would be an idiot. The only mistakes these clowns did and what many other cocky organizations do is they got too wide. They have too many people in the know and they are borderline senile. Thats a recipe for a business disaster. 

The fact that my boy Sepp survived this monster controversy the same week of the FIFA election process is insane. It proves how powerful and how many people he owns on the inside of FIFA. 

The other bananas storyline with my boy Sepp is that this motherfucker is 79 years old. I will be lucky if I know where my pants are if I ever get to that age. The fact that this old ass dude has a death grip on the worlds most popular sport is INCREDIBLE. I cannot wait for the real story of Sepp Blatter to come out some day. I will be drinking a smooth bourbon and toasting to one of the biggest gangsters of all time.

I will watch this speech whenever I want to get my cockiness on back on point in times of softness. I can't watch this speech without clapping and yelping with joy. Cocky respect cocky. Sepp Blatter has a PHD in cockiness and I for one respect the hell out of him.

Sepps speech almost beat out my favorite old guy speech of all time but my boy Byrd from West Virginia is the King….

P.S.  Did this blog on 7 hours of sleep in last 4 days. NBD. Apparently my new baby daughter could care less about my energy levels or me sleeping in general. Respect that power move. Def my kid.

Padres Social Hour

The "Padres Social Hour" is the best show on TV that you're definitely not watching. It's simply so bad that it's so good. I am borderline obsessed with this show and DVR it daily. I think my wife hates me more than normal while I'm locked into this masterpiece. It is like a bad local town cable production but it happens to be produced for a Major League baseball team. Truly addicting and captivating in a strange strange way.

The name "Social Hour" confuses me to all ends. I am not sure if its meant as in Social as in "Talking Baseball" or trying to angle Social as in Social Media interaction. The show allows its viewers to tweet in questions periodically throughout the show but that's not the focus of the production.

Kurt Bevacqua is easily the best co host the show has put on the couch. He gets loose and his sense of humor is dry and goofy. Let this dude have a few cocktails and speak his honest mind. Bevacqua seems like he could be a 70's cocktail lounge singer and that personality always works in the world of entertainment.

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Think I'm pretty much blackballed from tweeting into the show after my twitter run in with host Jesse Alger last week. I hit him up with a tweet to help the show after the host got no showed by co host Randy Jones and the co host was literally a backpack. But I think he took as a shot and got defensive quick. Had to bring out my twitter sword when he wanted to dance…

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Full disclosure is I think Agler ain't bad but he is dying for some help on the show and possible some creative ideas to make the show somewhat entertaining.



My official plan to save the show…



1. New location. Having this show locked in the basement of the Western Metal building is depressing. Too dark and quiet. I would plop the set at different social locations throughout the park. Bar on third floor of Western Metal Building. Also rotate around the different bars to cross promote different areas of the park that most fans have never seen and might entice them to check out one day. I would also bring the show to local bars like Bubs and Basic.

2. Couches would be thrown in the dumpster. Need high top bar tables and the guys drinking some adult drinks. Seeing guys lounging on a couch makes me want to take a nap. Could sell sponsorships rights to beers promoted during the show and it would also loosen up the guys because everyone seems tight on the show.

3. Road Games - I would bring this show to some of the road games. Maybe some of the big NL west games and other interesting lively parks like Wrigley and Busch Stadium. I always love the idea of going into someone else barn and start squawking at the locals. You could have guests from the rival town to spice up the dynamic on set as well. I'm an idea guy and not a logistic guy. So this would probably be difficult but entertaining at least.

4. Honesty - I get that this shows core is to promote the product of the Padres but the show needs more honesty in the form of criticism. When the team sucks they should be able to lay into the team and be critical.

5. Less Baseball Talk - I mean cover baseball but also do segments that promote the social aspect of baseball. The pre game show that follows Social Hour basically goes over everything that they cover.

(Ex. Tonight should've ripped in Pujols jawing the Padres bench last night. Then, let Bevacqua tell stories of trash talking back in his playing days. Bet he has some gems.)

5. Me - I would make this show better. Tough sell to management letting a former fired Padres employee come back and play the role of the cynical fan. But, the show needs something and I am something. Speaking my mind to management got me fired. Speaking my mind could help save the show.

P.S.  Really hope the shows producer named "Blooper" already had that name prior to the show. I can't spin or defend that move. Cameraman probably is named Slugger.

1st Official - How My Brain Works

This is…

The Same as this…

Ramsay Bolton is Lebron James. Lebron James is Ramsay Bolton. Matt Dellavedova is Reek Greyjoy. Reek Greyjoy is Matt Dellavedova. I basically stayed up all night pondering if we are being trolled in the most elaborate HBO/NBA diabolical cross promotion of all time. Then, I realized that these situations are just too similar and both Lebron/Ramsay are just big time dickheads with power.

Both are self proclaimed "Kings" and think they will go down as the best of all time. Both are not very well liked by the people around them as can be told through body language of straight fear. Both have WAY too much power.

Full disclosure - I think the actor who plays Ramsay Bolton is easily the best actor on Game of Thrones. Him and King Geoffrey are/were such great actors because they make you hate them. If one elicits emotion through acting that is the pinnacle of that profession. Also, I am in the camp that Lebron James is the best physical athlete that I have ever seen. His combo of talent and physical ability can only be compared to Bo Jackson in my lifetime. He just lacks the same mental capacity that Jordan possessed. Ask Tiger Woods if mental capacity matters in performing. Also, He like Ramsay, Makes it REAL easy to hate. The Guy couldn't be less humble or socially aware in the sense of honest humility. My only question with Bron Bron is what will happen if the guy actually gets hurt and not fake hurt? 

I am copyrighting the phrase "The Self Proclaimed King Who Cried Wolf" and will sell a billion kids books in the Boston, Chicago, Atlanta, And Oakland area.

Both induce hate and make you watch every "episode" of there relative field. 

P.S.  If you aren't rooting for Golden State in the finals and you're from anywhere outside of Cleveland you need to go drink some Drain-O. 

P.P.S.  Obviously my brain is now comparing and analyzing Steph Curry to Arya Stark. Both look like they are 14 and are my only hope to beat evil that is coming soon. Winter is coming. Lebron is coming.

P.P.S  Also Timofey Mozgov is a Giant Wildling. No brainer there.