I'm Obsessed with Brian Windhorst

Wikipedia- Brian Windhorst, also known as "Windy" or "Scoop", (born January 29, 1978) is an American sportswriter for ESPN.com who covers theNational Basketball Association (NBA). He was the Cleveland Cavaliers beat writer for the Akron Beacon Journal from 2003 through the summer of 2008, and began to work for Cleveland newspaper The Plain Dealer in October 2008. He moved to ESPN in 2010 after LeBron James left the Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heat.

I am embarrassed with how obsessed I am over this dude Brian Windhorst. The man is a paid stalker. He literally stalks Lebron James life and gets paid to do so by ESPN. Wherever LBJ goes so does my man Windy.

I like to imagine Windhorst lives in a one bedroom studio with thousands of pictures of Lebron James glued to his walls with arrows pointing in every direction like a serial killers house in the movies. House is obviously littered with KFC buckets EVERYWHERE.

In a society where we are uber conscience of creeps, My man Windy is capitalizing on it. If Lebron Moves, Windy Moves. Lebron says something absurd (everyday), Windy spins it to try to make Lebron  look like less of an asshole.

What would happen to this guys life and career if Lebron James were to be no more?  This guy is a little past his prime to start a new hunt. I can see him getting arrested for trespassing on a elementary school yard trying to find his new white whale or a pizza delivery guy.

I have tons of questions with him. What does he do in his off time? Does Lebron let him have off time?  Is he a good bowler?  Whats his normal days diet?  What's his power rankings of candy?  Does he crush as much ice cream as I think he does?  So many questions constantly running through my skull whenever I see this guy.

P.S. Windhorst caught a lot of heat for his "Hot Take" on Riley Curry being present for press conferences and I couldn't agree with him more. She is cute as fuck but those pressers are annoying as fuck as well.

Meet the Biggest Gangster of all time. My Boy Sepp.

CNN.com - Meet Sepp Blatter. Still the most powerful man in the world's most popular game, scandal be damned.

You could also call the 79-year-old Swiss national a survivor, after he clung to his job as FIFA's president Friday. He won a fifth term despite a week marked by arrests, investigations in the United States and Switzerland and questions about whether he was the right man to rebuild the reputation of soccer's governing body.

It wasn't a slam dunk, and Blatter failed to get the required 140 votes in the first round of voting to prevail. (He got 133, compared to 73 for Jordan's Prince Ali bin al-Hussein.) But with the writing on the wall -- since Blatter would only need a simple majority of votes in the next round to win -- Prince Ali conceded.

"I take the responsibility to bring back FIFA," Blatter said, promising he would leave after his four-year term ends. "And I am convinced we can do it."

Just how did Blatter survive?

He is a masterful political operator and his knack for getting off clean amid scandal -- or at least without being directly tied to wrongdoing in the soccer world -- is uncanny.

Sepp Blatter is already my favorite villain of all time. I barely knew the man existed a week ago and now I have a full on villain man crush on him. His speech after winning reelection was an all time speech. I stood up and clapped when he was dropping lines of cockiness all over the people who just reelected him.

I mean I don't like the whole situation going down in Qatar with the slavery and all but besides that I am all on board with how FIFA runs their scheme. I would like to believe that FIFA didn't have a clue how bad the society is in Qatar with how they treat their working force. 

FIFA is a private organization that is crazy successful. Their only issue is their product is super public. If you sit on your couch and think that uber successful companies don't make huge back end deals/bribes to keep on top your NUTS. United States has a littered history of CEO's "Donating" money to certain politicians that back their organization directly or indirectly.

I would be running the same business as these guys and anyone who wouldn't would be an idiot. The only mistakes these clowns did and what many other cocky organizations do is they got too wide. They have too many people in the know and they are borderline senile. Thats a recipe for a business disaster. 

The fact that my boy Sepp survived this monster controversy the same week of the FIFA election process is insane. It proves how powerful and how many people he owns on the inside of FIFA. 

The other bananas storyline with my boy Sepp is that this motherfucker is 79 years old. I will be lucky if I know where my pants are if I ever get to that age. The fact that this old ass dude has a death grip on the worlds most popular sport is INCREDIBLE. I cannot wait for the real story of Sepp Blatter to come out some day. I will be drinking a smooth bourbon and toasting to one of the biggest gangsters of all time.

I will watch this speech whenever I want to get my cockiness on back on point in times of softness. I can't watch this speech without clapping and yelping with joy. Cocky respect cocky. Sepp Blatter has a PHD in cockiness and I for one respect the hell out of him.

Sepps speech almost beat out my favorite old guy speech of all time but my boy Byrd from West Virginia is the King….

P.S.  Did this blog on 7 hours of sleep in last 4 days. NBD. Apparently my new baby daughter could care less about my energy levels or me sleeping in general. Respect that power move. Def my kid.

Padres Social Hour

The "Padres Social Hour" is the best show on TV that you're definitely not watching. It's simply so bad that it's so good. I am borderline obsessed with this show and DVR it daily. I think my wife hates me more than normal while I'm locked into this masterpiece. It is like a bad local town cable production but it happens to be produced for a Major League baseball team. Truly addicting and captivating in a strange strange way.

The name "Social Hour" confuses me to all ends. I am not sure if its meant as in Social as in "Talking Baseball" or trying to angle Social as in Social Media interaction. The show allows its viewers to tweet in questions periodically throughout the show but that's not the focus of the production.

Kurt Bevacqua is easily the best co host the show has put on the couch. He gets loose and his sense of humor is dry and goofy. Let this dude have a few cocktails and speak his honest mind. Bevacqua seems like he could be a 70's cocktail lounge singer and that personality always works in the world of entertainment.

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Think I'm pretty much blackballed from tweeting into the show after my twitter run in with host Jesse Alger last week. I hit him up with a tweet to help the show after the host got no showed by co host Randy Jones and the co host was literally a backpack. But I think he took as a shot and got defensive quick. Had to bring out my twitter sword when he wanted to dance…

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Full disclosure is I think Agler ain't bad but he is dying for some help on the show and possible some creative ideas to make the show somewhat entertaining.



My official plan to save the show…



1. New location. Having this show locked in the basement of the Western Metal building is depressing. Too dark and quiet. I would plop the set at different social locations throughout the park. Bar on third floor of Western Metal Building. Also rotate around the different bars to cross promote different areas of the park that most fans have never seen and might entice them to check out one day. I would also bring the show to local bars like Bubs and Basic.

2. Couches would be thrown in the dumpster. Need high top bar tables and the guys drinking some adult drinks. Seeing guys lounging on a couch makes me want to take a nap. Could sell sponsorships rights to beers promoted during the show and it would also loosen up the guys because everyone seems tight on the show.

3. Road Games - I would bring this show to some of the road games. Maybe some of the big NL west games and other interesting lively parks like Wrigley and Busch Stadium. I always love the idea of going into someone else barn and start squawking at the locals. You could have guests from the rival town to spice up the dynamic on set as well. I'm an idea guy and not a logistic guy. So this would probably be difficult but entertaining at least.

4. Honesty - I get that this shows core is to promote the product of the Padres but the show needs more honesty in the form of criticism. When the team sucks they should be able to lay into the team and be critical.

5. Less Baseball Talk - I mean cover baseball but also do segments that promote the social aspect of baseball. The pre game show that follows Social Hour basically goes over everything that they cover.

(Ex. Tonight should've ripped in Pujols jawing the Padres bench last night. Then, let Bevacqua tell stories of trash talking back in his playing days. Bet he has some gems.)

5. Me - I would make this show better. Tough sell to management letting a former fired Padres employee come back and play the role of the cynical fan. But, the show needs something and I am something. Speaking my mind to management got me fired. Speaking my mind could help save the show.

P.S.  Really hope the shows producer named "Blooper" already had that name prior to the show. I can't spin or defend that move. Cameraman probably is named Slugger.

1st Official - How My Brain Works

This is…

The Same as this…

Ramsay Bolton is Lebron James. Lebron James is Ramsay Bolton. Matt Dellavedova is Reek Greyjoy. Reek Greyjoy is Matt Dellavedova. I basically stayed up all night pondering if we are being trolled in the most elaborate HBO/NBA diabolical cross promotion of all time. Then, I realized that these situations are just too similar and both Lebron/Ramsay are just big time dickheads with power.

Both are self proclaimed "Kings" and think they will go down as the best of all time. Both are not very well liked by the people around them as can be told through body language of straight fear. Both have WAY too much power.

Full disclosure - I think the actor who plays Ramsay Bolton is easily the best actor on Game of Thrones. Him and King Geoffrey are/were such great actors because they make you hate them. If one elicits emotion through acting that is the pinnacle of that profession. Also, I am in the camp that Lebron James is the best physical athlete that I have ever seen. His combo of talent and physical ability can only be compared to Bo Jackson in my lifetime. He just lacks the same mental capacity that Jordan possessed. Ask Tiger Woods if mental capacity matters in performing. Also, He like Ramsay, Makes it REAL easy to hate. The Guy couldn't be less humble or socially aware in the sense of honest humility. My only question with Bron Bron is what will happen if the guy actually gets hurt and not fake hurt? 

I am copyrighting the phrase "The Self Proclaimed King Who Cried Wolf" and will sell a billion kids books in the Boston, Chicago, Atlanta, And Oakland area.

Both induce hate and make you watch every "episode" of there relative field. 

P.S.  If you aren't rooting for Golden State in the finals and you're from anywhere outside of Cleveland you need to go drink some Drain-O. 

P.P.S.  Obviously my brain is now comparing and analyzing Steph Curry to Arya Stark. Both look like they are 14 and are my only hope to beat evil that is coming soon. Winter is coming. Lebron is coming.

P.P.S  Also Timofey Mozgov is a Giant Wildling. No brainer there.

The Definitive East Coast Vs West Coast Debate

East Coast

Vs.

West Coast

The People have spoken and they have demanded a thorough breakdown from a well traveled cultured American on a complete analysis of all important matters determining which coast is in fact the best coast.

Full disclosure the East coast will be considered Boston south to D.C. and the West Coast will be considered Cali. All other parts of either coasts are for weirdos and losers. 

Quick Shout Out to Seattle and Charleston S. Carolina. Both spots make the honorable mention list for areas outside the targeted locations but don't move the needle enough in this vital debate.

Research:

I have lived in and studied both coasts for over a decade each. I am completely neutral. Somewhat.

Without further adieu…

Food

This is probably the most crucial category when it comes down to comparing the coasts. Each side dominates in some areas but the deciding factors have to be some common ground foods. The east coast MOPS the floor with bread products. Pizza, Bagels, and Sandwiches are all a TKO to the east coast. The West coast has Mexican food in a death grip. Burritos in Cali laugh at burritos on the east Coast.

Seafood is a tie. The east coast has amazing fish but the west coast dominates in Sushi and also has great fish as well (Looking at you Mahi Mahi Fish tacos). Also San Fran Clam chowder is in the same realm as Clam chowder in Boston which hurts me to type that.

The deciding factor came down to Chinese food. In an absolute shocker the East coast DOMINATES the west coast in Chinese food. Legitimate blood bath which makes zero sense considered China is 3 Thousand miles closer to Cali. I have yet to find a solid Pu Pu platter in Cali and that makes me sad. Late night food on the east coast is either Pizza or Nasty Chinese food. Chinese food doesn't even enter my brain walking home from a bar out here.

P.S. The Donut scene is not even up for debate. East coast donuts could create world peace.

Winner - East Coast

Weather

Vs.

A common topic of debate is the West Coasts annihilates the East Coast in the weather department. The west coast definitely wins the category overall but Winter is cool for a about 2 weeks. But don't sleep on a crisp fall day in October with a hot adult beverage.

P.S. Ability to play golf everyday is also a huge deciding blow for the west coast decision.  Also shoveling snow for 3 months straight is demoralizing for east coasters.

Winner - West Coast

Women

Vs.

Another category that is also used as a usual pillar to a west coasters argument is the Women angle. This category is MUCH closer than everyone thinks overall but the tip of the cap goes to the west coast. Both sides have their fill of beautiful women. But, the west coast has more "Better than average girls" than the east coast. Which is huge when in large groups. Gotta always have that ratio in your favor.

P.S.  East coast girls are meaner and much harder to approach but also MUCH smarter which you can look at either way as a positive or negative. 

P.P.S.  Google searching "Hot Girls" next to my 8.5 month preggo wife didn't go too well and I doubt she talks to me for the remainder of the day. Blogging life ain't for the faint of heart. #Warrior

Winner - West Coast

Sports

Vs.

This is the biggest blowout in the history of mankind. East Coast could teach a post graduate level course on sports while the west coast are trying to stack sports building blocks but probably need nap time before they get cranky.

I could go on and on but it's a waste of everyones time and if you argue this ruling you're an idiot and need to get out of your house.

Winner - East Coast

Bro's

vs.

This Category is depicting the average bro on each coast deemed by me. Both bro's are sweet and you can never hate on bro's. In my head,  I see east coast bros as dudes rocking a Lax penny and throwing Pong 24/7. I see west coast bros as multiple tats and straight chilling on the beach dudes.

A good Bro is hard to find but both coasts are LOADED with bro's everywhere. Full disclosure I'm pretty partial to east coast bro's because I'm pretty sure I was one back in my single days (AKA My best days). 

But, Cali bro's are hilarious and mad chill. Almost too chill though because east coast bros can be argued as too intense. Tough call on the winner of this category but I have to go with my heart and East Coast bros are much better at sports so they win.

Winner - East Coast

Honorable Mention Categories

The College scene and Beer scene were suggested but both are blowouts. East Coast College scene EMBARRASSES the west coast colleges. There are also a billion more schools on the smarter coast. Beer scene on the west coast is simply obnoxious. There is 7 breweries on every street where hipsters compare beards while slugging down quadruple IPA beers. West coast wins the Beer/Wine scene because of sheer numbers.

East coast also celebrates national holidays much better and the west coasts media is a circus of clowns.

Final Decision

Both coasts are awesome because the USA is the best country in the world. The winner of the most debated debate of all time is the East Coast. They win because they have had about 100 years more time to advance as a society (zero research but it sounds right).

P.S.  If we could create a city with San Diego's weather, Boston's Culture, San Francisco's topography, and New York City's Action/nightlife we could create heaven on earth. 

Has Joc Pederson's HR Landed yet?

Joc Pederson hit a game-winning solo home run in the eighth inning, giving the Dodgers a 2-1 win over the Padres in a battle of struggling offenses on Friday night at Dodger Stadium.

The Dodgers went scoreless until the fifth inning, running their scoreless streak to 35 consecutive innings, tying the record for franchise futility since the club moved to Los Angeles in 1958.

Pederson slammed a ball deep into the right field pavilion off Joaquin Benoit with one out in the eighth for his 11th home run of the season. The home run came on an 0-2 count and Pederson, who has 47 strikeouts in 166 plate appearances this season, was asked if he shortens up his swing in that count.

"I think you've seen my strikeouts," Pederson said, laughing.

Dear Lord. That was a tough one last night for the hometown boys. Good overall game and awesome performance from Andrew Cashner. He finally looked like he was pitching with a plan and on the same page with his battery mate instead of just throwing. But, Again, The Padres simply just don't score when Cashner is on the bump. Must be extremely frustrating but the outing was a much needed successful display from a pitcher who needed it. He seems like a guy that has somewhat of a strong mindset but the kid needs a win before it makes him overcompensate. Which would be a disaster. 

There is a report out there this morning that Joc Pederson's ball has landed but there are no confirmed reports from credible sources. Missing your spot on an 0-2 count is simply unacceptable. Hitting a ball that far on a shortened swing is insane but proves how bad that pitch actually was.

Someone need to take the lineup card out of buddy's hand and move Kemp to the 5 or 6 hole. The fact that guy is hitting 3rd right now is a travesty. Move Norris to the 3 hole. Do something Buddy!

P.S.  Teams depth is an issue. Myers injury completely changes this lineup and how the opposition approaches their game plan.

P.P.S.  Hope this blog didn't wrinkle any Padres employees cranky pants. Sensitive city.

Bill Simmons Is a Bum

Business Insider - A week after ESPN president John Skipper announced his decision to not renew Bill Simmons' contract, two primary theories have emerged for why ESPN is letting its most talked-about writer go.

1. Simmons' projects didn't generate enough ad revenue to justify his $5 million salary.

2. The relationship between Simmons and ESPN had been on the rocks for a while, and the last straw was Simmons going on the "Dan Patrick Show" — which isn't an ESPN property — and ripping NFL commissioner Roger Goodell a day before Skipper announced he was out.

Both theories were floated by ESPN biographer James Andrew Miller in Vanity Fair on Wednesday, and they've popped up in pretty much every post about why Simmons is out at ESPN.

The Big Lead's Jason McIntyre reported ESPN would have had to give Simmons "$6+ million" per year in a new deal, which wasn't worth it considering the modest popularity of his two prestigious ventures, Grantland and 30 for 30.

"Simmons is the most powerful member in sports media, an innovator with the most popular podcast in sports, a vanity website, the 'original blogger' who carved out a niche as the Boston Sports Guy and smoothly transitioned to being a creator of the Emmy-award winning 30 for 30 series, but … were any of those ventures generating significant revenue?" he asked.

Bill Simmons grew up in the Motherland (Greater Boston Area). Is a witty writer. He also used to be really good at what he did but he is simply a bum now. He has such a inflated sense of self worth it drives me nuts. The guy was actually more likable and valuable before he started doing any TV. He is that bad on TV mostly because his voice makes you want to punt baby rabbits.

The Guy claims that he is Boston to the core but hasn't lived in Beantown in over a decade. He has lost his fastball which was his prime mailbag days of a tortured and pessimistic sports fan. Now he is just a whiny nerd that thinks he runs the world. Simmons claims he wants to work for an organization that is not corporate while also demanding more than 5 million per year. That last sentence is the definition of an oxymoron. 

I give big time credit to ESPN for cutting his ass. Bill will learn soon learn that ESPN will be just fine without him along with the other majority of pseudo celebrities that have left the network for "greener" pastures.

Hey Bill - If you're so good at what you do you should go independent and start your own site. You would be able to negotiate all ad space and figure out quickly that you're not worth half as much as what ESPN was paying you.

Have fun writing for the next corporate gig that will pay you an inflated salary or a fake independent like deadspin. You suck and you should own up to your true soft personality. LA probably is your best fit after all.

P.S.  30 for 30 Originals are fabulous. Nothing propriety though and ESPN will keep churning likewise material moving forward. 

SoftServeSports Official 30 for 30 Power Rankings…

1. 2 Escobars 2. Once Brothers 3. Unguarded 4. The U 5. 4 days in oct (Homer)

P.P.S. The Two Escobars could be one of the best documentaries ever made. Little known fact is that it was directed and produced by former Ticket Service Reps of the Hometown San Diego Padres. The Zimbalist brothers absolutely hit a grand slam with that documentary. So at least something productive has been generated from a Padres employee this century. Boom Roasted.

P.P.P.S. Can't give Padres props without throwing some shade at them. Not my style.